I was moved to write a little something that turned into a lot after receiving emails, texts and phone calls over the last few days from friends, co-workers and family who needed someone to talk to. Someone to listen. I of course did all those things. But I also felt that maybe I should share what I have done in their position, what I am doing and striving for. Maybe it could be of use to them? Maybe not. But I wrote it and posted it on Facebook. Then thought I might as well put it on the blog too since it grew from a “few tricks” to the recipe of how I go about life… My only hope is that no one thinks I am giving advice or sound like I’m telling you what to do. I am only sharing what was said to me and what I say to my self.
Face Book Post~
Family, Friends, and people I don’t know as well; You’ve said things and done things, I’ve seen some things, heard some things, and thought of you as I wrote this in hopes of giving you something positive. So please take whatever you can from this, and forget the rest.~Joannie
Life, the very thing that we strive for also kills us. Here lately I have notice, been around or involved with people who are struggling with LIFE. They often say that the problem is their love life (or lack of), job (or lack of), school (or lack of), Money (always lack of), family problems (everyone has them guys…) friends (or lack of) and the place they are in. What I see is something else entirely. The problem is the person himself. The problem is that she cannot have a LIFE because she doesn’t know who she is, why she is and where (non physically) she is.
As a “young” person (as we are referred to these days) I have been THERE and then some. Everyone has problems, and then there are the problems that make other people go.. Well maybe I could have it worse after all. I will not say my problems are the worst of the worst. But I know they are not everyday ones. But this isn’t for me; this is for the friends, family and individuals that are in the place of stagnant negativity of life. Those who feel stuck, frozen, trapped and helpless. This is for the people who are angry at what they have been given in the form of life (whether past or present). This is for the people who are sad, unhappy, and maybe even hopeless and on the verge of giving up or passively have. For those who are asking why bother? No one cares, I am not strong enough (whether for that moment or change of life), and it is pointless this life. I write this for those people. Because this is what I do to live.
Those who believe that “IF” they had [insert external need] their lives would be good, okay, better, what they want (think they need) and that with this “thing” they could go on in this life and be happy and who they are meant to be. I write to those who think all this.
I write to anyone who is unhappy with his or her life and wants to hear what I have to say.
First off, happiness is an EMOTION. It comes and then it GOES. You cannot be in a perpetual state of happiness at all times. Realizing this will set you free from the constant exhausting state of searching for happiness. It starts from within.
Now you need to realize and SURRENDER to the fact the YOU in YOUR life is the only thing you can CHANGE or CONTROL (with both there are still some things above our ability to change or control and therefore must be given up to whomever your higher power is). Without this, everything is stemming from ego, ideals, preconceived notions and not the self.
To be happy you must first be OKAY with yourself. Maybe loving you is something you have/need to work on. It tends to take time. But accepting that you, as you are now, are okay (for now) is the first step to be able to feel happy. Baby steps. Be okay. Accept. Love bits of yourself here and there. Don’t over kill you won’t love yourself over night. You first have to accept yourself, then be okay with yourself, than like yourself. Once those are real and true you can go after the final goal of loving yourself wholly. But right this moment. Baby steps. Be okay-accept. Accept-be okay. However it works for you.
NOTHING will make you happy. NO-ONE will make you happy. Only you can experience happiness. Once you have achieved that, you can SHARE it with others. But the emotion is YOURS and YOURS alone. Yes we are all alone. And until we are accepting of that we cannot be with others in a true self form. First just be with yourself. LITERALLY just BE. Don’t run, move, hide, distract or push away the true you. Just be.
Motivation. Is what separates a person who can experience happiness and change and those who cannot. Motivation comes in all forms. But for it to be TRUE and ego-less your life’s motivation cannot be a romantic relationship. That involves ego and instinct. Same with having you child be your only motivation. It is NOT their purpose in life to make you happy. To put such a burden upon a single person is unhealthy and unintentionally hurting they’re very being.
Find what motivates you to live. To feel. To experience. With a person who is suicidal, your family (or children) and friends as a whole can be your motivation for now. For now it is okay. But eventually you need to find the true motivation for YOU and not just the lives of others. At rock bottom it is reason enough to live, it is okay. Not forever, but for now.
Focus on that motivation (the one that is there when everything else is dark, you cannot change how you look at the world or how it affects you but that one thing can bring a whisper of motivation). This is your starting point. From here on out, everything you do will incorporate this motivation (hopefully there is more than one) and the lesser ones that make you happy with your EVERYDAY life. Your choices, decisions, and reactions. No matter the pain, sadness, anger you find/feel/are thrust upon. Keep this motivation of life in sight. Be with those emotions. JUST BE. And LET THEM GO when they will leave. Don’t hold on to them. You don’t need them. The world does not need them. Set them and yourself free. Surrender your control of them and just be. Don’t react. Don’t run. Sometimes, don’t even speak. When you can, write or draw or tell a story about them to let them go. But don’t act with them. Just be. Your family hurts you, put the distance needed so that they cannot. But hold on to it. Your friends use you, hurt you, and are not supportive of you. Put the distance there. How far, long and what kind of distance is up to you and the situation. Just up and running will not solve your problems. But if the situation is as such that you cannot be (because of their impact physically) then moving physical distance may be needed. But just moving will NOT solve your problems-that’s running. Things need to change on the inside. Let go of everyone and everything (not forever or physically just emotionally) and if the situation calls for it then physically let go or stop all interaction. Please remember it is easy to overact when in this state so try not to rush but go slowly as possible so that you know when is far enough.
This song captures what I am trying to say by just be beautifully (not to mention it’s one of my favorites.
These are the lyrics from it:
“You can travel the world but you can’t run away
from the person you are in your heart
you can be who you want to be
make us believe in you
keep all your light in the dark
if your searching for truth
You must look in the mirror
and make sense of what you can see
they say learning to love yourself
is the first step
that you take when you want to be real
and flying on planes to exotic locations
won’t teach you how you really feel
face up to the fact that you are who you are
and nothing can change that belief
cause now I know it’s not so far to where I go
the hardest part
is inside me
I need to just be
I was lost and I’m still lost but I feel so much better”
Link to this song: http://youtu.be/qEYueRVuqmg
I listened to this song OVER and OVER again. I traveled and felt EXACTLY what it says, you can’t run away from the person you ARE.
Do what you have to. And JUST BE.
Find that motivation-whatever it is. Mine is my siblings and a promise I made. My motivation to keep going when everything is too much and I need something to pull me out of the darkness for at least just a bit, I dance. I dance hard, without purpose, or ego. I dance and throw my emotions into each step. I let the music tell me what to do. I simply just dance. Just be in the dance. No thoughts. No stopping of the emotions that come and go. I just dance. Full physical movement. The zone. I usually dance alone. I usually dance off away from others, as they are not important in their thoughts of me. I simply am dancing. Once my body is exhausted, the emotions have stopped coming up (because I let them flow) I can now again remember my life’s motivation and why I must endure and prevail.
A quick note on motivations, they sometimes change, and you often add more, alter the ones you do have. It’s OKAY. Everything changes. Everyday is different. There are no two flowers with the same petals, no two trees with the exact same form. Everything is different from the other and everything changes. Adapt. Stay true. Know who you are. Compassion for where you are ~J