Mom’s Birthday

November 12th is Mom’s birthday. I often find myself in the odd place of wanting to make sure the world knows of this day, when someone larger than life was born. But the rest of me wants to hide in my bed alone to try to forget how I’ll never write her a card that I drew, surprise her with a gift that she never expected or share a Bailey’s coffee to toast the day. It’s the epitome of bittersweet.

I often think of the many birthdays we did have with her. The way Jesse would cook her breakfast (he grew up watching Jeremy & I making her Birthday breakfast as a baby). The way the little kids would argue who got to take her coffee up to the bedroom (it was an unspoken rule that the Birthday Mom not get up till she wanted to) and sing her happy birthday and asking as they did every year ‘how old are you??? Wow that’s old!’ Sometimes she would have breakfast in bed, other times it would be in the kitchen or in the library with a fire going. She would almost always insist upon spending time with ALL of her kids, even if they were too young to understand the desert was not about them… It’s in those little ways that I often think of how different she was from most other mother’s I’ve known. Even the times when Dad was home from work, she rarely wanted to go out with just him for her birthday, it was with everyone and home cooked meal (that one of us kids put together). Even in the busier years of rental houses, school stuff and sport stuff for the kids, we always managed to make her smile even she was upset with one of the younger kids or a selfish teenage moment.

Every year I hope that the words will be easier. The memories are little less heart wrenching and that the silence that sets in will lift. This year wasn’t any different. My birthday I never bring up and don’t like to share it with people (I did let Reuben take me to dinner though), basically I hate it and feel like I shouldn’t have any recognition. Mom’s birthday though, on said is very hard for me, I think people should know.

This year was even a bit harder because this was the first time since her death that I didn’t call my Grandmother to try and cheer her up (I don’t know that it’s possible on your dead daughter’s birthday..but there you have it).  I still haven’t really wrapped my mind around that Grammy Gail is also gone along with the others (Mom & Uncle Rick)- compounded with my having Rosie (Mom’s dog that I gave to Grammy Gail).

Every birthday, everyday and every moment is a gift with you loved ones. Don’t watch them pass by for anything.

Where the heck is Joannie and what about the promised updates!?

Wow is it really November? Eh… yes actually it is, and has been for a couple of days now. Damn I suck at this blog/posting thing this Fall. Well I will give you a short update and the ‘real’ stuff is still pending.

I’m still in Seattle, only just recovered (bare minimum mind you) from the summer. Rosie the lazy/spoiled Desert Dachshund is learning how to become a Seattle adventure Dachshund who doesn’t refuse to walk on leash. River is beside herself to have a buddy to tease/bother/attempt to play with, and both girls are getting along fabulously. Rosie is smitten with Reuben and seems to have become ‘his’ dog if you were to ask her.

I have been battling with getting a watermark on my photos but since I have no money to buy a program, no Photoshop and an Apple (has very little free software for this project) it’s a process and I have very little to show for it (hence no photo posts..). Reuben is valiantly helping me and hopefully I will have something to work with shortly. I again apologize for my complete lack of anything – the fault most assuredly lies with me (and my MacBook, according to Reuben).

I’ve been in a self defense/Kung Fu class twice a week to keep me out and about. I have missed the last couple of classes due to back/hip issues. I know I am young and all but when your bones don’t heal you’re screwed, no matter your age. Overall the class is great though!

Reuben and I have been doing a bit of exploring around Washington and even drove down to Portland, Oregon for a quick weekend with Kathy & Dave G. Also means more pictures for me to sort through..maybe I should rethink this picture habit of mine…

I head to Anchorage, Alaska again in about 10 days for more doggie stuff (training + house sitting – how else would I afford the travel?) with River in tow to brave the snow. The plan is for Reuben & Rosie to briefly join us over Thanksgiving 🙂 After my summer of short but not short enough time with the heat, I think some snow and ice will be just the thing to wake me back up and get my ass in gear.

~J