November 12th Has Come Again

It is Mom’s Birthday today. As I have already said in years past – it is often a rewrite about how much she meant. How much I (and everyone) misses her. How much she is still loved. I don’t have much in the way of ‘new’ to write about. She would be 56 today. She should be here. Receiving love from her family – close and afar. And like all the other years, she is not. I could rail on and on about the unfairness of it all. I know people older than me that still have ALL their Grandparents, not just their parents. I cannot tell you that it is easier now that more than a few years have past. That any of the grief is less or that the hole in ones’ chest is suddenly smaller. All I can tell you is that the older I get, the more I understand just how amazing my Mother was. How much of who I am is because of her. How growing up with her has given me the expectation that people are so much more than they ever let themselves be and sadly – often are.

I doubt I will ever sit down on November 12th and think ‘It’s okay she isn’t here’. But even the first year and every one after, I have thought every day – not just on her birthday, that I am grateful in the most sincere way of what time I did get. I don’t really know how that can be, when I would give anything, including my own life to have her here to live a full lifetime. But it is. I don’t have much else to say this Birthday other than this short – rather poorly written poem about her.

 

One Moment or a Hundred within everyday

I see something that is you

Hear something that is you

Feel something that is you.

 

The color Red

So passionate and alive

A Cardinal’s call

Warm and protective.

 

A Dragonfly

The guide of your heart

A light in the dark

The joys in change.

 

The Autumn Leaves

Flashing colors that you danced among

Fires of the heart and soul

Nature’s celebration of your birth.

 

Waterfalls on the landscape

The heights which you climbed

The mist on your hair

The simple delights.

 

Music in the air

Flutes whispering

Drums dancing a primal beat

Loons calling to the heart.

 

My Mother had such a way about her, sometimes the memories feel like dreams themselves ~J

 

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5 thoughts on “November 12th Has Come Again

  1. Hi Joannie,

    I attempted to respond to your wonderful poem but am denied access for some reason. I always love hearing from you. I too thought of her this morning as I sipped my coffee looking out the window wishing she had made it over here (you know, that year when Grammy Gail and Michele came over) … then for a moment thinking maybe she is here with me… and you.. and all who loved her. Hmmm, the sunrise did have a red glow about it this morning!

    We are doing well up here in the northland of the earth! Funny, we are further north now than when we are in Alaska! Daylight is very short! So I must get outside and enjoy it for now.

    Love,(; Suzi

  2. Your words do express the loss that only those know who have lost a loved one . It has been almost 4 years since my husband passed on Dec 31st … We were supposed to spend our golden years together with our memories. I talk to him daily here on the homestead that he built and when I go to town I see all the buildings he worked on as a mason . Gratefullness for the time spent is a good way to go or you drown in sorrow . I am practicing my guitar again and will start singing again as he loved to hear me sing . I have an older daughter that has abandoned me… can I adopt you?

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