So it is official, I have to move out. Now the question is (besides when of course) is where exactly I will ultimately move to? Dare I stay in state to keep my rather low paying job that I really like but has no benefits beside that River works with me? Or do I move on to Seattle where I’ve my aunt Michele (purple auntie) and friends including Reuben? Or do I end up somewhere else entirely? Oh the questions and the things I have to figure out/decide. It’s maddening. I’ve to move possibly by January 1st or more likely by end of January. Just depends on the landlord. So if it is sooner I may have to take some you nice people in Anchorage up on your offers to aid me. River and I really don’t take up much room and aren’t picky. But I know from previous experience that many are not okay sharing a couch or floor past a day or two if at all.
I do like my job, and love it here but I am also very tired of struggling with Alaska’s housing issue and the lack of decent doctors. I know for a fact that Seattle is on of the best places in the states for medical things and I would have the ability to maybe get to the bottom of my immune problems and maybe even have a plan for my back. There would also be more therapists who might know what to do with me. Having a family member in the same town to drag my ass around if need be would also be wonderful. Not to mention a bit easier to visit family and have them visit me. But again, I kinda like Alaska, I mean that is why I am here… But maybe some changes need to happen I just don’t know.
Dad seems more comfortable with me either staying in Alaska where his lifelong friends can be of help or have me back on the East Coast. For some reason he seems rather against Seattle. I have a thought that it may be because he is assuming that I am considering it because of Reuben who moved there in August. But while it’s great that Reuben is where I am thinking of moving, I can assure you that if he lived in Texas or somewhere I wouldn’t move to, I wouldn’t go. End of story. So Seattle has multiple reasons. Besides relocating altogether I don’t actually have a good reason NOT to move to Seattle. So should I move out of state, it will 98% likely be Seattle. I know that many of the problems I am currently having here in Anchorage I will have wherever I go, housing, friends who don’t give a shit about you, medical bills and difficult choices. Jobs that don’t pay you enough or give you what you really need. And of course all the crap I deal within myself on a daily basis. I rather hate decisions like these where there is NOT a best answer or even ideal. It has been a year since I laid eyes on my horses, brothers and sister and every family member besides those in Bethel and Grammy Gail. With the travel prices I won’t see them anytime soon. Alaska does feel like home though. I am torn. I am also in dilemma of how to trust me ‘gut’ and emotions since I pretty much shredded any faith I ever had about well..anything since my life ended and survival started. For starters I am most interested in what will make me feel the most okay and what I can stomach if it turns out to be the wrong decision. Probably not an ideal way to make ones choices in life but I do what I can.
So input is greatly appreciated. Particularly where I am questioning my rational mind.
I will update when I know the date I have to move by. ~J