I’ve fallen into a rut. A emotional, lonely, unchanging rut. I go to work. I try to sleep. I make myself go out when I can summon the energy. I walk the dog and try to remind myself to eat. I do it all over again. I hardly see anyone outside of work. About 98% is my fault so I by no means am blaming others for my imposed isolation. I don’t blame any of my friends here who have stopped asking the very blah redhead to join them. I get sick of myself. Emi has been one my few people who don’t care that I’m down, sick and pretty much no fun. But she is leaving for FL on Thursday. For good. In the last 3 weeks I’ve seen Emi, Katie and Dave (Katie’s Dad). I’m a hermit.
I don’t really know how to get myself out of this funk anymore. I basically have no desire to do anything. Everything seems to require TOO much energy that I don’t have. Work pretty much takes everything I have these days. More often then not I don’t feel that I can stand by the stove for 20 minutes to make dinner. Ordering food is not healthy and expensive so I limit that. Usually I eat oatmeal and call it good.
I would turn my nose up and walk away from the person I am. Just apathetic, no fun, no energy and sign of changing. I would rather go back to bed then go into work. But either way my back hurts so I guess I need to go make money for the medical bills.