It’s getting cold here. Every night it is well below freezing and the frost lingers in the shade the entire day. The snow is only a week or two away. I’m excited (okay not to drive in) for it. I rather like the snow, the layers of clothes we have to have on us at all times, the clunky boots that fashion just can’t have much say in because they either keep your feet warm or they DON’T. I the bite to the air that lets us know we are indeed alive. I like the way hot beverages are a must at any moment in the day and hot baths become comfortable instead of enduring. I’m a northern girl I guess. I like the dark, the snow, the cold and most of the things included with winter. Though I cannot say I am a huge fan of the holidays (I used to be). So I’m looking forward to it!
I’ve been working quite a bit (for me anyways – not exactly 80 hours a week or anything but full-time and enough stress to make it long). My sleeping has been off the charts bad and my new identity is ‘INSOMNIAC’. I watch TV shows off of link tv, read books when I get my hands on them and try to not move around too much so that my body is at least resting..I usually only get about 3 hours of continual sleep. Otherwise it’s broken and in a semi awake state that in itself is often more tiring than staying up. I’m completely off all sleep meds, anxiety meds and other sedative drugs. I have my two types of pain killers for my back and that’s it! Haven’t been this close to drug free for MONTHS. I just did a sleep study that I should be getting the ‘results’ back in a week or so and then hopefully there will be a PLAN. Because I don’t know how much longer I can actually hold a real job and take care of myself when I am ALWAYS tired. Like this morning… I picked up River’s water bowl (full of water) to put food in it and spilled it all over the place. Also tried to pick a pot that was hot off the stove…and other random things that aren’t helpful to me. I completely forgot the word ‘drill’ in a class at work the other day. Was rather embarrassing. I forget Peoples names and what day of the week it is all the time. I have to write down EVERYTHING. All my doctors know they have to call me (even if their policy is not to call the day before) to make sure I remember my appointments (even though I made them the week before like I do every week). People at work laugh at me because I am the sticky note queen. But I don’t have much choice, I look like an idiot while doing all these things… I hope to sleep again soon. Just like 6 hours. I’m not asking much.
It’s 1:30am here. I’m making myself a bit of food (I have to space out my meals because I seem to use up more being awake for 20 hours of the day). I’ve taken to eating high fat and calorie foods to try to keep some of my energy up. Doesn’t seem to be helping but oh well. Not sure what else to try!