Reuben has been gone for almost a month now, I would say I’m fully adjusted to not having my best buddy in Alaska with me and now spending time with the good friends I do have here. It was similar to when I first moved away from Lorien and had to adjust to not having the most special friend in the world at my beck and call. While no one can take the place of another person their relationship to one can be just as meaningful and complex. Reuben is certainly not Lorien and nor did I think of him as a replacement for the absence of her physical company or words of wisdom. I take everyone as their own person and whatever relationship I develop with them does not impact existing ones (many a past boyfriend was slightly confused by this phenomena with my male friends). When Lorien visited me this spring Reuben spent some time with us both and it was a wonderful thing to have two awesome friends who weren’t worried or threatened by one another and instead all three of us bonded in the things that we can enjoy. I can’t say I’m thrilled to have adapt to being without a trusted friend again in such short time but I’m glad to call Reuben a friend. Life takes us wanderers all over the globe but for those who truly care distant and time zones don’t matter. I have a feeling Reuben may become another friend in my collection of amazing people I know and call friends regardless of how much I actually get to see them in person. As for how Reuben is, he is getting more job interviews than maybe one needs and finding himself in Seattle. I think he’ll do great. Hopefully I will get to spend some quality time when he visits his family over the Holidays.
Which brings me to my future plans of trips, living in Anchorage Alaska and Holidays. As of now (which may change) I’ve nowhere near the money to travel home for Christmas and such. While my heart breaks at going so long without seeing my family I understand that the first few years of being “out” often result in this and hope that no one on the farm takes it personally. My Aunts who have been great supporters of my own Journey have told me their tales of being away from home for the first couple of years and not being able to make it home for the Holidays to help with the guilt. As for staying in Alaska and where I might end up in the future, I’ve given things quite a bit of thought and talked it over with friends and family I think will give me their perspective without letting their emotions cloud their words and have decided to stay put in my life that I’ve built here till at least next summer and re-evaluate again once the snow clears (which is about June here). My reasons vary from the rocky economy to my health and “fixing” myself before trying to help others (my family). I had been entertaining the idea of at least relocating to the lower 48 so as my Brothers could see me easier and more, but at this time such a move would just be starting over what I struggled with here, housing, job, money, ect and I don’t know that I need to force that upon myself unless the need is dire – particularly with how my immune system has been failing me of late. I have finally made some friends and connections that worth mentioning and seem to have a fairly steady job even though I don’t make much money I can depend on it. My living situation is the best I’ve had in a few years and my roommates are absolutely wonderful. I actually have doctors who know my first name and people in this time zone who might be willing to help in jam. Right now the prospect of establishing all this AGAIN is beyond what I can make myself think. So while I feel hella guilt for my family and some friends, I am staying in Alaska where I feel the most okay right now.
So what am I doing? Working… A LOT. The word must be out because as of late we are over goal on training sales and people seem to be coming in without any salesmanship needed to lure. While great for my bills and savings, my health and brain have been going downhill. Catering to so many puppies and their needy (but usually in a good way) people is utterly EXHAUSTING. The other week I got bit and scratched more than a few times that drew blood and I have to use first aid skills to fix. I would never put these puppies and dogs in the pound as people sometimes suggest I should consider in some cases; all of these canines are in need of help and most I CAN help – it’s just very hard on my body and mental state. But saving dogs lives and giving their people tools and a piece of mind they may never have otherwise gotten is very important to me. Thus far I’ve done very well in not ACTUALLY taking home the needy animals that cross my path and instead find them someone who can help them. But I’m afraid the day is closing in.. I like to think I can blame my upbringing for this particular trait. Dad won’t turn away anyone who he can help and Mom well.. rescuing horses wasn’t enough we adopted my wonderful Brothers and Sister too. So as a product of this I help pretty much anything that crosses my path..stray pitbulls, baby birds, 1 week old kittens, loose horses, unwanted ferrets ect. I’ve had boyfriends and friends tell me I do it to the point of a fault but I think they have no say because I don’t ask for their help. It’s just part of who I am. So the bulldog puppy that bit me ten times isn’t getting reported, I am helping her instead.
Speaking of puppies a certain springer spaniel needs a potty break so that will have to for now. ~Joannie
Part two (later in the day)
Okay back to what I’ve been doing. Besides work I help friends out with their dogs, try to take care of my own dwindling health and hang out with my Anchorage buddies. Good friend Emi who moved away for a bit is back for at least a few months much to her chagrin and though I wish she were happier I’m glad for her friendship so close. Stefanie who has been friend to me the longest (only shortly after I moved here were we friends) has been busy with her own life as of late but we still get to see each other and enjoy one another’s company even if it’s only for a few hours. Thick and Thin Stef and I have been friends. Danny whom I’ve known for quite a while (gym & MMA guy) and grew up here is back to spending time with me (for which I’m thankful for! as he was very busy over the summer). Other than these three wonderful people and my roommates I don’t usually spend much time with people outside of work. It’s hard to break my hermit tendencies here of late even when I’m lonely and want too. Now and then I will see some of Mom & Dad’s friends and “catch up” as they often treat me to food. I thoroughly enjoy hearing about my parents, especially Mom when she was my age and gives me some idea what she might think about my choices now. While not coming anywhere near filling the black hole it gives me things to smile about knowing how much people love my parents over 25 years after meeting them and that they generously consider me to be family because of Mom & Dad.
I spend a good deal of time at doctors offices, an awesome Chiropractor, a great Rolfer (bodywork) and Walgreens… I had about a month and a half of NOT being sick earlier this summer (was quite literally the best month of my life in the last few years) otherwise I’ve been battling one cold after another followed by a serious bout of the flu and what other virus I can pick up than morphs into a full-out infection (I’ve had strep three times this year already) that renders me useless and sometimes on antibiotics. My Immune system is not responding well to anything and I keep trying new and different things. Many people have something they want me to try or think I should do, often at the end of the day I’m too freaking tired to make myself soup let lone set yet 3 my doctor appointments and phone consults and “try” this new pill (which is always expensive). So while I grateful for all the help sometimes I am just not ready to receive all of it when it involves money and decisions. Most days the everyday little things are about my limit.
Fall is coming quick here in the north and the evenings getting shorter by the day and the nights chilly. But I’m excited for the snow when it gets here, I do love winter. Maybe I’ll snowboard this year!
Good Medicine ~ Joannie