Another change

I’ve been neglecting the blog in lue of spending more time with people and having more work hours. But mostly I’ve been busy being in the moment getting my time in with Reuben before he flies out to Seattle. As I afore mention he is relocating and starting his next chapter in the Emerald city. While I totally understand and support the change, I am losing my partner in crime and main holder of my sanity here in Anchorage. Good friends who will call you when you down are not easy to find, good friends who will come over when you refuse to talk to anyone or answer the phone in the first place are even harder… Reuben sorta became the type of friend Lorien is to me, which no matter what state I’m in, what I’m doing or how I feel, we can be around each other and be all the better for it. Very few people can sit ANYWHERE near me when I’m really down. Lets face it, there isn’t anything one can say or do to “make me feel better” and very, very few people are comfortable being in the presence of grief they cannot imagine let lone have words for.  Most people want to change the subject, focus on something else, try to be positive, logic me out of my sadness and attempt to distract me from the pain. Lorien never does and oddly neither did Reuben.

I seem to meet really amazing people who have quite a bit of impact on my life, but we are not in the same place or somebody is or will be in transition soon. My long-lost twin Carmen lives in the middle of the woods where cell phone barely works let lone close enough to any place I’ve lived to see. Amy Lives in New Jersey (can’t say I’ve ever wanted to live there..). Annie Lives in Chicago and I don’t think I could ever afford to live there.. Lorien lives 25 minutes from the hardest place for me stay in.. There are many more people scattered all over the country. Reuben is in Seattle. While I would never not want any of these people in my life, I do wish that I could share more of my life than over the phone with them.  I often feel that this is how it is for me. I make a serious connection and then poof we’re separated. I feel like goodbye is a word I say often and see you soon not enough.

It’s another change, my life is full of them. It is always moving, never still and never dull. I sometimes wonder what it would be like, a more common life that wasn’t as chaotic and full of twists. But I guess this is how it goes for me.

~J

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